Oh, KATE. Slit up to the rear. Extra Dalai Lama sleeves and sashes, odds and ends. But girl, get off Clint Eastwood’s lawn, and mind the grass stains all over your belly!

And again, looking as loopy as her loopy-ass mother.

[At the 35th Annual People's Choice Awards in L.A.]
Photo: Dave Edwards/DailyCeleb.com

(9021-no, no, no.)

I mean, it’s gotta be an Herve Leger knock-off, right? It’s crap, for sure, with offensive Rami Kashou colors, and some dumb depiction of a movie reel creeping down her hemline. 90210 girl, must you dress so stupidly?

[At the 35th Annual People's Choice Awards in L.A.]
Photo: Dave Edwards/DailyCeleb.com

(What's in your oven is your business.)

Whoops, somebody left the oven door open.

[At the 35th Annual People's Choice Awards in L.A.]
Photo: Dave Edwards/DailyCeleb.com

(Girl, Oprah's got dibs on ka-ka green, K?)

Now, Oprah? You’d expect Oprah to wear this, not Beyonce. It must be something about being older that it seems passable to wear ka-ka green, you know? Meanwhile, B’s got roots fo’ days, and her clutch looks like a styrofoam to-go carton.

[At the N.Y. premiere of Notorious]
Photo: PNP/WENN

(S.S., those are T.T.'s legs.)

Oh, S.S. Your tanning addiction be damned — you’re either not wearing hose, or you’re wearing hose. Tina Turner’s hose.

Another thing, S.S., there’s only one S (literally, just “S”) that can pull off a bright-colored bubble skirt the size of the Gulf of Mexico, and that’s Serena Van Der Woodsen. And it’s because she’s a (fictional) teenager in a (fictional) fashion show. S.S., you’re 62. And you’ve paired the big-ass thing with some track jacket from Patagonia.

[At the 2009 Palm Springs International Film Festival Awards gala]
Photo: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN

(Forcing an A-cup -- you go, girl!)

Selena, Miley — everyone. I think she’s got it. Puberty. Dakota Fanning found it! It’s the beginning …

She’s handling this transition phase very, very well. She’s chosen a supercute little dress with cleavage-enhancing “illusion” — thank you, ruffles and extra seams! A-plus on the not-so-high heels (protective-prone fashion bitches would cut a girl for “moving too fast”). And boys … she’s shaved her legs!

[At the 2009 Palm Springs International Film Festival Awards gala]
Photo: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN

(Neon, I'm warning you. Don't come any closer.)

Poor thing. Paul Rudd is scared something awful by Ms. Xposé’s neon-pink see-through turtleneck. The Funny’s seeping out of him the longer he’s blinded by this Diane-Keaton-on-acid garment. That look on Paul’s face says, “Oh, snap. I’m gonna turn into Will Ferrell!!!”

[At the Dublin screening of Role Models
Photo: WENN

I like it waaaay more than the angry-cupcake-wedding-gown Kate Hudson wore to her premiere. It’s kind of like a dinosaur! Or an expensive Christmas ornament! Or a Picasso painting he was embarrassed by …

My God, from behind, she looks more and more like Goldie Hawn every day. There’s something about the pushed-together thighs, right?

[Outside N.Y.'s Ed Sullivan Theater for The David Letterman Show]
Photo: HRC/WENN